I reek of saliva and misguided chances, but I once told myself that it’s about time I make mistakes.
I met a friend somewhere in the world and he told me that the reason I was never able to do something really good was that I never wanted to make mistakes, that I kept it safe, that I kept finding the wrong things in my work that I’ve never learned to appreciate mistakes. It was about time I make mistakes and learn to see the beauty in the wrong things.
I’ve always played it safe - being at bay for taking risks but never actually take them. There are a lot of factors, see, my parents can sometimes be destructive with their indifference that I did not have any reason to proceed; money was never at the right hand with me because whenever I do have the money, there also comes the responsibility of paying the bills and indecision; I never believed in myself much that I can actually do something worthwhile, that these hands have been and will always be mediocre. It is about time I make mistakes and find it crucial to my growth.
In the spirit of the recent Academy Awards, there were three things that shook my core and reminded me why things happen, and why I should always keep doing what I love: Jared Leto’s story about his mother and how no obstacle was too big for anyone not to accomplish; Matthew McConoughey’s three things about finding something to look up to, something to look forward to, and something to chase; and the joy in the eyes of Lupita Nyong’o when her name was called and when she said that “no matter where you’re from, your dreams are valid” and these were the three things I needed to hear the most.
I’ve finally decided to make my own mistakes, find the beauty in them, realize that they are good for me, and that you are one mistake that I’d never want to make.
We say a lot of bullshit throughout this life, but what makes it interesting is that we (as humans) try to live up to the bullshit despite being plainly drunk or high when we say these things.
We keep telling ourselves that we can, despite the standards that others set unto us, we keep telling everybody else that we will, despite the fact that we know we never will. There’s a lot of things we think we know but we don’t. We think that the world has prepared us enough for whatever will come within the next 5 minutes but we don’t.
We keep lying to ourselves that this reality is what we have to live through but all we ever have to go through is the waves of everyday life - nothing exciting ever happens, they’re just little bursts of neurons that make us think it was a moment of brilliance where in fact it was just an epileptic reaction.
My 2013 went well overall, but it left me empty when it ended. December 2013 left me with nothing – no future plans, no work, no small projects, etc. Ever since then, I tried to get back up on my feet. I discovered that I still have something in me that would be of good use this year.
I went back to my roots, to the early days when I was still inspired and looked at life as a challenge. I…